My young self leaps off the page in misspelled ink
I envy her all that time she has to live
and fuck up love the wrong person
love the right person who will not love her back
get caught by survival all those jobs
just to get by
and grief
all those years lost in grief for the world
five hundred years a thousand alone in her apartment
trying gasping to let it all in and out again
I love fiercely that twenty-one year old girl
pouring forth pink words dancing
on the solid ground to change the shape of things
legs, arms flailing
belly, hips flowing
because she is just now discovering she has no culture
she is just now discovering she is alone
and yet she is dancing to change it all
I smile thirteen years later
all the shitty jobs and absent lovers
all the grief and whiteness and her
dancing round and round eyes closed
feet striking earth in rhythm
words in rhythm not ashamed
look at her
she is not ashamed.